I can not believe I am sitting here really at a loss for words. Where do I begin for the past 2 months of my life. For the longest time I have prized myself in being open and transparent about my life. I do this because I am a firm believer in being an “overcomer by the words of our testimony”. In other words I am a firm believer in sharing my story because it might just help someone else. As long as I am helping someone else that’s really what life is really all about right?
Since obviously you can tell by the last date of my blog a lot has occurred to keep me away from you all and I dont know where to begin to even start. In February I launched my very first t-shirt of a series that came out of pain. That’s another blog for another day but for now all you need to know is that the shirts flew off. There was no way I could even keep up with orders. The word of mouth came from Facebook alone. No ads. No promotions. Just Facebook. We have sold a little under 90 shirts and everything was going well. Well at the end of the two month period I found out news that I had been praying for. After 12 positive test and a 5 year journey I was pregnant once again.
Words can not express how I felt. The thoughts. The fears. What if something went wrong. What if I had to face the past once again. All of the what if’s rambled through my mind nonstop. It had gotten so bad that once I finished working most days I came home and laid down. I did nothing. My fears paralyzed me. After several visits to the doctor I had to face my fears. Another miscarriage. Another angel gone before I could hold him or her. Another angel gone before I could nurse. Another painful blow my husband and I had to endure without the ability to understand why.
Instead of attempting to find the answers to questions I can not even begin to formulate, I’ve decided to spend this time coming back to blogging by sharing what I do know about myself.
1. I am loved by God
2. I am fearfully and wonderfully made
3. The fruit of my womb is blessed. So much so that when my children opened their eyes for the very first time they saw God.
4. I am beautiful.
5. I am intelligent
6. I have an awesome husband
7. I have an amazing daughter (who has adopted me from church -another blog)
8. I am the mother to a wonderful dog-ter Sophie (who has been walking in and out of my room as I’ve been typed)
9. Despite all of the pain I am destined for a future so bright and full of joy I am spending the first third of my thirties getting the tears out of the way.
10. My circle is pretty dope!
So here I am on a journey to love myself through it all. Through the pain. Through the tears. Through theses miscarriages God has showed me the strength He placed inside of me before the foundations of the world. At this point I am deciding I am vowing that I am going to get up, dust myself off, dry my eyes, and allow love to carry me to my destiny.
To often we allow the pain of life to prevent us from reaching our destiny using the pain as some weak excuse. I refuse to allow painful experiences and excuses to stop me. It’s time that we move forward. Will you come with me? Let’s go on a journey of love together.