I am sure you would like to know who I am. I was born December 22, 1984 which according to Google happened to be a Saturday. We use Google for everything don’t we? Ok, so back to the story. It was a crisp day in Washington D.C. and my mother’s water broke at 28 weeks. LOL ok let me be serious I have no clue as to what the temperature was that day but apparently I was eager to enter into the world. I won’t bore you with the details but let’s just say according to the doctor’s I’m not supposed to be here. I wasn’t supposed to make it. According to the doctor’s if I had the slightest chance of making it my quality of life was not forecasted to be the best. I’m grateful man’s forecast is not the same as God’s. I’m still here.
Fast forward to 4 years ago when my life turned upside down, or maybe right side up now that I look at it. It was December 26, 2012 at 2am. At the time I was almost five months pregnant my husband’s Chad and I first child. While using the bathroom something felt wrong. After a trip to urgent care, which left me bleeding profusely, I was rushed to the hospital via ambulance where I was told by Dr. Miller “ You are going to miscarry. Your son is too young he will not survive” I immediately turned to Chad and said “you know what that means right?” He simply nodded his head. A few hours later, no meds, and a couple of pushes Chase Jaxson Sellers entered and exited the world in my arms. I was hurt. We were hurt. But we moved forward.
Four months later after such a devastating blow the Sellers household found out the best news possible. We were expecting twins. Our very own rainbow babies. The pregnancy was labeled high risk and at 16 weeks I had to undergo a minor surgery to give our babies the best shot in making it. The first goal was to make it to viability. Viability is usually at 24 weeks when a baby has the best shot in making it should he/she decide it’s time to enter into the world. Well I made it to 23 weeks and 3 or 4 days and once again I found myself in the same situation as 10 months earlier. For the second time and no meds and more pain we found ourselves enduring yet another miscarriage. This miscarriage was devastating. I found myself at the point of no longer wanting to live. I wanted to divorce my husband because every time I saw Chad I saw our babies’. I did not want to do anything. I did not even want to walk my dog. I did not want to talk about God. I just could not understand how He could allow something so tragic like this to happen again. Not one, not two, but three sons were with Him. Having children was all I ever dreamed about and the only blessing I ever desired.
Life after miscarriages was extremely difficult. I found myself pondering the thought “ There is no way I can continue life the way I’m living it”. After a conversation with God I came to the conclusion something had to change. We ditched our fancy apartment in downtown Syracuse and we moved to the country. I quit my Corporate America job and decided it’s time to find out what I was truly meant to do. Harassing a person about returning to work so I could help save a company a ton of money was not my purpose because at the end of the day my dreams were still dormant.
Almost three years later and I have been working at my church as the Office Manager. As a result of working there I have grown in so many ways. Despite all of this growth I found myself to have an issue. As I looked around my life I came to the conclusion I have lost sight of myself. I stopped caring about the affairs of self and cared more about the affairs of others. I found myself putting the needs of other things, places, and things in front of my own. This is not just my problem but a problem of many of us face day in and day out.
Me Self Love will document my journey to self-love. This kind of love requires us to step out of the busyness of others into the business of self. Many of you have the same issue so let’s vow to be serious about this and do this together.